The Robin Hood Tax

I love the stories of Robin Hood. I love the idea of taking from the corrupt rich idiots and giving it to poor and  needy people instead. Introducing something that promotes these ideals will surely be a winner then. What can possibly go wrong!?

So now let's talk about the Robin Hood tax. The point at which it all went wrong...

The first mistake was calling it (or at least letting it be referred to) as the Robin Hood tax. Most people are like me and love to hear about how the Sheriff of Nottingham was constantly bettered by a heroic freedom fighter and his gang. In the UK this ws the old Labour government's baby, now Nicolas Sarkozy of France has decided he wants in on it. Neither Sarkozy or Gordon Brown is anything like Robin Hood. I can no more imagine them in tights and holding Nottingham's taxes to ransom, than I can imagine them slow-dancing with Angela Merkel. In fact, people like that are the kind of people I wished were victims of Robin Hood's scheming because to be honest, they've not seen the poverty line in a long time...

So where does that leave us? With a poorly-named tax - but what is the tax? Well if you bomb on down to the official website you'll see that they're all about taking from the rich and giving to the poor. They really tug on your heartstrings: schools, hospitals, global poverty, climate change - I bet they even give £3 a month to help the snow leopards...

I looked for actual figures but none were forthcoming, in the 'Everything you need to know' section the site just spouted rubbish like 'The Robin Hood tax is justice'. Oh well that's alright then. Is that really all I need to know.

Sarkozy plans to tax financial transactions and this has been dubbed a 'Robin Hood tax'. He will put a tiny tax on each transaction as part of his measures to kick start the ailing French economy. He hopes to accrue the grand total of £0.8 billion per year. Admirable. That's sure to cut his deficit. Or it could be a load of CAC, if you'll pardon the pun...

What Sarkozy is really hoping will happen is his partner-in-crime, Ms Merkel, will join him and then Great Britain will run in at the last minute to join the party and then the US and China will both buckle under intense pressure. You may have already guessed, but Mr Sarkozy is an optimist, and unlikely to win the next election if today's opinion polls are anything to go by.

You see the big problem will arise if, let's say France, Germany and the UK all decide they want this tax and let's say, the rest of the world decide that trading with Europe isn't all it's cracked up to be. The £0.8 billion could be lost a lot quicker than it's gained. The traders are treading a fine line as it is with the markets as jumpy as they are, so why make it even harder for them when everyone decides that they don't want to trade with us because they have to pay for it.

And this is what really gets me about these so-called Robin Hood taxes. If you're earning more money, it ususally means that you worked very hard to get there. Why should these people get penalised for essentially working hard in what is a very tough industry. Surely we should be encouraging them; they can't strike - if they do we'd be in economic turmoil in approximately 4 minutes.

This controversial bonus that the RBS chief has now refused is an example of this. He has worked very hard to keep his bank above water this year and should be rewarded. I am, however, against a bonus like this. His salary should be more than sufficient. Maybe he should donate it to Sarkozy...

This may look out of place in an unemployment blog, but as I said before, Sarkozy wants his measures in place so that he can boost the economy and create new jobs. To be honest I'm surprised he didn't say 'create new jobs, save the children, and protect the snow leopard' - it's about as meaningful.

So I'll keep on going as I am - looking and trying things out because if we all fold our arms and don't do anything until the government steps in to do it for us, then we'd never really get anywhere because above all it's our responsibility, not theirs.

Handy Hannah

I was chatting to an old university friend this morning. We chatted about my current job situation and she seemed concerned that I didn't have enough to do to fill my time - that I'd be lounging around for hours watching Loose Women and other such nonsense. I reassured her and said that everything was fine and I had plenty of things to do day-to-day. I listed them to her and I will list them to you now.

1. Domestic Duties
My Gran can't go shopping on her own, so Handy Hannah steps up to the plate once a week for a foray down the ready-meals aisle and a close-encounter with the fancy yoghurts.

2. Babysitting
As I'm around during the day I am a perfect candidate for any extended babysitting projects.
'We're just popping away for the weekend, can you help out?'
'Do you mean stay in your beautiful house with your delightful children? That shouldn't be too much of a problem.'

3. Tutoring
A spot of Italian tutoring helps me to keep everything fresh in my mind whilst spreading the pizza/pasta love.

4. Remote Copy Writing
When I say remote I mean sitting at home with a cup of tea, in my track pants.

I complain that I don't have a job - something that I get paid for 9-5 - but I manage to keep myself busy. I apply for jobs with vigour and enthusiasm, but in the last five months, I can probably count on one hand the times I've complained about sincere, bone-crunching boredom.

I've tried hard to get a job, but I think I've tried harder to keep myself out of mischief. Hours can dribble by powered by boredom, but finding something to occupy the waiting time is worth the salary I soon hope to be earning.

The Fake Sound of Progress

So those of you that tuned in to my latest blog post may have been disappointed, but I wanted to reassure the public that I am still unemployed and able to update you about the life of an unemployed bum without breaking the Trade's Descroption Act.

So I have called this post after a Lostprophets album I listened to a lot in my teenage years and to be honest it best describes my current state of mind. Yesterday I had a phone interview for quite an exciting job/opportunity. I chatted for 20 minutes about, well for want of a better way of putting it, me.

This is the most progress I've made since I started looking (probably about 18 months ago). Well sort of. Let me explain. I looked feverishly in my last year of university but I had absolutely no idea how to fill in an application or write a CV and so, understandably, I didn't get very far.

When I graduated I had acquired one of these pieces of knowledge (the CV) but the applications I was filling in were still shocking. So every time I filled in an application I was going further into the pit of despair because I was getting approximately nowhere.

Cue a bit of the ol' work experience. It's once a month and not really that taxing, but it got me a contact in the know and now I know how to fill in an application - cue phone interview yesterday.

Progress indeed.

Or not.

I say the fake sound of progress because it could of course all come to nothing. Currently there are potentially eight things on the horizon in terms of jobs or opportunities - some could run concurrently (in case any potential employers stumble across this, so no need to panic just yet). With my new-found knowledge I could storm each one and end up with more job offers than I know what to do with.

This might not happen and I could be posting another not-so-surprising newsflash next week.

As I said the [potentially] fake sound of progress.

Newsflash!

I'm still unemployed.

Just Because I Don't Get Paid, Doesn't Mean I'm Not Busy...

This post is all about taking advantage. Or rather being taken advantage of.

I want to deal with a popular misconception. Unemployed does not mean lazy, bored, inactive, or dying to be taken advantage of. It can mean those things. But it tends not to. Anyone who's been unemployed for any length of time has a routine - things that occupy their time. I, for example, blog. I have three blogs and if I don't keep them up-to-date, Google will take a certain dislike to them and bump them down its ratings.

I also like to keep my hand in with other projects. Competitions, opportunities, applications for jobs, applications for internships, not to mention the 'domestic duties' that appear on official things the bank like me to fill in.

In short, I'm busy. It's not difficult for me to fill my days even though I'm 'unemployed'. I will admit to watching my daily fix of old Desperate Housewives on E4, but I rarely just sit and watch it; I'm usually tip-tip-tapping away at something.

That said, my schedule is flexible - I have to be in case I get interviews or if an important coffee date comes up... Some people, however, like to take advantage of this.

My movie editing skills are, let's say, not bad and some quarters like to use them on a non-profit basis. I don't mind helping anyone out - I really don't. Give me a project and in due course it will come back to you completed as you requested. I also work well in a team - give me a job to do and I will do so, assisting my teammates in the best way I can. If, however, you try to do my job for me then understandably I will get a little annoyed.

I was given a little filmmaking project to do a week last Thursday that is to be premiered tomorrow. I was given free reign - the person calling the shots said she wasn't precious about the deets so I could do with it what I liked. I sent her my idea. She didn't like my idea and so conducted a focus group to see whether my idea was better than hers. It was. We moved on.

The scriptwriting was largely painless - she asked me to add in a few bits and bobs almost under the pretence of re-writing it, but I was being optimistic and let it go. I told her (last Friday) that I would make the necessary amendments and email it to her the following day.

I did this. I also told her I would like to film on Monday morning.

Monday morning came and went and I'd had no reply. I got a panic call at 6pm that evening with a blustering apology and a hasty reschedule.
'How's Friday for you?'
'Bad.'
'Why?'
'Because it gives me appoximately no time to edit it.'
'Oh. So when can you do?'
'Monday.'
'Oh.'
'Friday it is then.'
So yesterday saw me filming and editing and producing and stuff. Jus' doin' my thang. Under the watchful eye of my minder who at one point I hid from so the creative input I would no doubt receive was tempered slightly.

Anyway it was in the can by 3.30pm and it turned out to be a nice easy edit. Good job really as I was feeling more than a little peaky this morning. I sent a text to let my 'executive producer' know it was finished but that I was feeling a bit under the weather so someone would drop it over, to which I got a reply asking whether that would mean there was no way she could offer any more of her creative input.

I said that was correct. So tough.

In conclusion I have two things to say.
1. I don't like being patronised - if I'm asked to do a job, trust that I can do it. What annoyed me so much about the situation before was that this woman knew zilch about movie making, but obviously thought that I would still need her help.
2. I don't like having my time wasted - just because I don't have a regular 9-5 job, doesn't mean I'm not doing useful things with my time; I'll help anyone I can, but if that means I'm going to be left in the lurch for a week and a half (compromising some of the useful things I'd been spending my time doing), then I'd rather take my ball and go play at home...

An Ode to Hazel Blears

Hazel Blears is one of my least favourite people; she annoys me intensely - she is a bustling busy-body and gets up my nose like no-one else in government... She is also my local MP.

A while ago, however, she said something that, for once, I agreed with. She protested (and I want to say that I am against protesting because all it does it get people's backs up...), let's say instead that she stood up for the maternity unit at Salford Royal hospital which has been closed and tranferred in the interests of centralisation.

Anyone you speak to will tell you that this is a stupid idea because essentially centralising resources means that putting these units in the centres of places - so if I go into labour at 7.50 on a Monday morning, I have to join the locals on the tram as I commute into the centre of town at rush hour - that or get an ambulance to take me, an ambulance which can't be used to treat someone who is really ill.

So that was one thing I agreed with Hazel Blears about. Yesterday there was another thing...

She remarked on the phenomenon of a mere 26 jobs at BBC's MediaCity in Salford going to local people - 26 out of 680. Ouch. The rest of the statistics are even more depressing - 23,000 from Greater Manchester applied for jobs, 246 got positions, and 26 specifically from Salford.

In her little outbust, Ms Blears mentions a local Morrisons store which has taken the majority of its workforce fromt he local area. The BBC has declined to do this. That said there are plenty of schemes for those studying at local institutions. To name but one there are 100 apprentice places being launched for those from the local area. One catch - you have to have few or no qualifications. That's me out. Ok, let's look at another. BBC Writersroom has a Future Talent Award for New Writers. Hooray! That's me! It's for people in the North too! Whoop whoop! Oh no wait, I've just read... you have to have been/be at one of the partner institutions... Loads of universities, some colleges, wait, none of mine are in there.

This is getting ridiculous, I've lived in Manchester for the majority of my life. I've been state educated and I'm one of their success stories, yet I still can't get in at MediaCity. So for the second time in my life, I agree with Hazel Blears, though I don't know whether I'm the kind of person she has in mind when she thinks about getting local people jobs.

118,000

Today I received some good news! 118,000 more people have become unemployed in the UK since November. That's 118,000 more people that can read my blog. Wahoo!

I'm being ironic. Though I'm sure the extra 118,000 people would probably enjoy reading my blog in between the long hours of daytime television...

Anyway, unemployment is now at 2,685 million and though there are jobs currently, there aren't 2,685 million of them.

So what useful advice are we being offered?

The BBC have a number of patronisingly useful pages to help you get on in the unemployment queue:

1. How to Cope with Unemployment

They tell you about negotiating redundancy, how to claim benefits, how to cope with debts, and they also advise you to, um, apply for a job. Helpful indeed.

2. How to Write a Successful CV

Ok, so some people have shocking CVs, most people don't. Again, really helpful BBC.

3. How to Get a Job in...

Retail, Engineering, Manufacturing, Visual Effects, Starting a Business. I don't want to do any of those.

If that is the quality of the information that we are furnished with in order to get employment, it is no surprise that 2,685 million of us are without work. Unfortunately the advice we're given is plain common sense and frankly it's insulting to think that those things haven't already occured to us.

This goes back to the very first thing I said about stereotypes. Young people are not all lazy bums who can't be bothered applying for work. 22.3% of 16-24 year olds are out of work - that's coming up to 1 in 4 and far too high.

In the same way, all unemployed people are not scroungers who have no intention of ever working. It is these people that get the publicity on the news, but the average unemployed person is most likely intelligent, conscientious, and desperate to get a job.

The problem is still supply and demand. So 18,000 people managed to get jobs, but that still isn't high enough. There are a couple of solutions, but none of them will work in the short-term, and one of them is definitely very unpopular.

1. Companies could be a little more optimistic. Investing in a new workforce is risky, but likely to improve business prospects in the long-term. If there were more incentives for this then hopefully it would be the kick up the backside that the economy needed in order to flush the market with lots of lovely jobs.

2. University is, in my opinion, the biggest hindrance to young people getting jobs. The whole university culture in Britain is changing. Higher fees mean that students will have to think twice before committing. Unfortunately students don't seem to have been put off as much as they should really be. You see the problem is that young people do degrees because they haven't got anything better to do.

Germany has a whole load of great apprentice schemes designed to train young people to do skilled labour. The UK doesn't. We instead are teaching people about Lady Gaga and David Beckham: if you can't get into a good university to do your degree, there's no point in doing it at all - all you need is someone with that same degree from a better university and suddenly you've lost out on another job.

I'm going to make a prediction here. If English students decide that they don't want to be students anymore and start getting themselves on apprenticeships and training schemes straight out of school and college then English unemployment will go down. The Scottish and Welsh students still get a massively subsidised education at university, even though English students pay £9,000 a year (fair, isn't it) and so will continue to use university as a way of further procrastinating those big life-changing decisions.

I predict Scottish and Welsh unemployment will keep on rising over the next few years...

I've Been Googling...

Googling is the thief of time.

One Google search leads to another, to another, to another. Youtube is the worst for this: 'related videos' make us all like magpies searching for the next unsuspecting person to fall over. If we put all those hours together and collectively chose to employ them for useful jobs - we'd all, well I'd probably have a job for a start.

Anyway. I don't. I'm still unemployed. I'm still waiting to hear back about applications I've sent and so to kill a bit of time I do a lot of Googling. It's not mindless Googling. I don't sit there and type in 'how many people have face-planted on Youtube?' or 'how many carrots are there in Belgium?' - I use it to try and find jobs.

At this point I will inform the reader that my internet browser is Google Chrome and I downloaded it in Italian making everything about it Italian. 'Change it!' You may say. I could. But when a page doesn't load, I quite like the message that pops up and says 'Uffa!'.

So this design feature of my Googling means that it will prioritise Italian things - including job searches, so I have to write 'uk' at the end of everything and scroll through half a dozen pages before I find anything useful.

But I'm unemployed, so I have the time to do that.

Have these labours been fruitful? Have they furnished me with a job that I have applied for online?

No. I'm still unemployed - I've just said that. Do keep up.

What my Googling has done, however, is give me a couple of playlists. To be fair they're just lists, but like radio playlists, I have an A list and a B list. I check my A list every day; I check my B list every week or month.

In the interests of community spirit, I'm going to share some links with you...
First of all I'm going to show you my A list:
1. BBC Writersroom
I'm a keen script writer - it's one of the things I fill my time with during these long days of unemployment. BBC Writersroom post a list of opportunities for writers and updates it regularly.
2. Ideas Tap
Ideas Tap is essentially a magazine/website run by people passionate about arts. There are loads of interesting articles and loads of people who have got their foot in the door in the industry and willing to share some of their expertise. The page I look at most frequently is their jobs board. They list everything going in the creative sector and it's rarely boring and 'office-y'.
3. Not From Concentrate
If Ideas Tap gives you all the lower-end arts jobs, Not From Concentrate's job board gives you all the higher-end stuff. They show you the cream of the broadcating jobs - the ones that tend to look a bit more interesting.

My B list isn't really that extensive or comprehensive. It's constantly in flux, but the one I use most often on it is:
Grapevine Jobs - they list all the media jobs at the not-so-well-known production companies. To be honest I've never applied for anything I've seen there, but sometimes a flash of inspiration is all you need.

Before I hit Google once more, I'm going to say one last thing about Google searches and job sites.

They're rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrubbish.

If you're doing a Google search my advice is to search for sites that have done the searching for you. No matter what you put into the search tab on a job site, you always - WITHOUT FAIL - get jobs to work in marketing and/or a call centre. They're not specific enough to give you what you want in the time you have available. Realistically if you get 2,000 search options and most of them are call centre marketing jobs, then you're looking at one relevant job per page and even then you might not want to apply for it.

If there were a 'No Marketing or Call Centre' search option on these things, I'd use them every day. There isn't though. And so I don't use them.

New Year, New You

After yesterday's rant about the lack of jobs in the UK to keep the two-and-a-half million unemployed people busy, I'm going back to what this blog is all about - my status as an unemployed bum, and what on earth I'm doing about it.

As the title suggests, the year is new, so why shouldn't I ungerdo a spot of self-reinvention too? I mean the television is telling me that I can lose weight, get fit, stop smoking, consolidate my debts, borrow more, claim compensation for an accident, get my PPI insurance back, and on top of all that, buy a new sofa for half price. It seems like a very good time to be alive...

Instead of doing all that, however, I'm concentrating on getting a job. The 'new me' is a career woman. To quote Miranda Hart, I'll be the kind of woman that just leaps out of bed and just does that and their hair looks perfect. They then grab a home made muffin out of their Cath Kidston polka dot biscuit tin and head to work, wearing trainers at the bottom of a skirt suit to show off they’ve power walked in.  They have pot plants that don’t die on them.  Their fruit bowl isn’t full of 3 week old rotting pears because they actually eat the fruit. They have day bags, evening bags and a clutch. You know, they just grab a wheat germ smoothie in between work because that’s enough to keep them going, even though at lunch time they jogged – and enjoyed it, because they don’t have flesh that moves independently to their main frame.  And finally they have easy access to pens to finish a crossword at a bar where the man they decided to take as a lover the night before says to them ‘hey, last night was great’.

Well on Friday 13th Januray that's not going too well so far...

There's a lot going in my favour at the moment. The new year has brought with it a flurry of new jobs to apply for, and I apply I have. January has reignited my optimism and my enthusiasm. The media is literally vomiting jobs at the public and there are some fantastic opportunities on offer at the moment. I feel as if I'm on the cusp of getting a fantastic job so that I can actually afford a Cath Kitson polka dot biscuit tin, but I could end up waiting months for that to finally come to fruition.

There is a funny feeling of being in limbo during any term of unemployment. The days tend to blend into one and months can go past without much progress being made at all. I will admit to anyone that, since being unemployed in August, I haven't had even so much as an interview for the jobs I've applied for. Admittedly I've had plenty of volunteering opportunities and interesting chats with people in the industry, but I'm yet to present my P45 and sign my name at the bottom of a contract.

The new year may have brought a whole flurry of new jobs, but it has successfully lulled me into a false sense of security. I convince myself that I will definitely get one of the jobs I've applied for and so I bum around for another few months waiting for answers that never come, or come back as a 'thanks, but no thanks'. Before I know it, spring will have sprung and I'll still be bumming around at home writing blogs and drinking tea.

The waiting can get so tedious; I don't mind if it is a no, but I just want to know. If only someone could invent a computer programme that would tell a candidate immediately if they'd been considered futher for a job or not. I tell myself that I'll wait for one last no and then get an interim job, but then something else comes up and I apply for that. You can therefore understand why people end up out of a job for years and years. Staying optimistic and putting all your hopes into one particular job is a great attitude to have, but before you know any different, months have drifted away and you're still unemployed.

Well the new year may have brought a new me, or at least aspirations of a new me, but this new me could end up being my worst enemy...

Supply and Demand

Were you ever at school with kids that would put their hands up for everything? They would always know the answer to a question, would always want to be the first to volunteer for something, and they would be the one that hung out with the teacher instead of other normal children. Secretly the rest of the class wanted to strangle that person - well to be honest it was never so secret because they would also always be the person that had chewing gum stuck to their back...

Anyway there are over two-and-a-half million people doing that in the UK, and they appear to be having the same luck making friends. This two-and-a-half million is currently the number of jobless people in the UK. All - well let's say most - are putting up their hands at every available opportunity, hoping to get noticed and ultimately, get a job.

There are hundreds of reasons why this is the case - inexperienced youngsters getting overlooked; companies unwilling to invest in new employers when they have to be cutting back anyway; even just having more complex employment legislation can be enough to put off even the most conscientious of business from creating new jobs.

I would argue, however, that there is one issue that far eclipses all the rest: supply and demand. Supply far outstrips demand so that even if you are standing on your desk in the classroom with your hand up so high that it reaches the ceiling, no-one will even look twice at you.

Simply put, they can't. They can't offer you a job as much as they'd like to, because they have no jobs to offer. The reasons for these problems are all linked into the other problems in a sort of uber-depressing vicious circle.

Today the government fleshed out some of its plans to start curbing this massive deficit in the jobs market. Airport City will be a sizeable addendum to Manchester Airport that could create up to 13,000 jobs. The hope is to tempt some big international businesses into hot-footing it to Manchester to do their stuff. The initial plans were announced in March of last year as a part of George Osborne's exciting budget. (Yes, before you ask, that was supposed to be ironic.)

The problem with all this - and I want to state for the online record that I do applaud the schemes being put in place - the problem, however, remains that time and money are not never-ending and unless some generous northener is sitting on hundreds of billions of pounds that they want to use to invest in Airport City then the hopes of the two-and-a-half million will have to hold out a little longer.

There are a lot of positives to be taken from these schemes. But let's look at HS2 - the high-speed rail link between London and Birmingham for a moment. Though the first step has been taken towards its implementation, passengers will only be boarding these 200mph trains in 2026 which is (for the keen mathemeticians amongst you) 14 years (and probably many goverments) away, and decades behind international predecessors who already have 200mph trains that have more than three carriages at peak time.

So before this becomes a rant about the British rail network, I'm going to move on...

One of the best ways to get a job if you're young is through an internship. These days, however, even the internship market has been rocked by the credit crunch. There are fewer places available and people are turning to more drastic measures to get a decent job after graduation. Auctioning highly sought-after internships is becoming a normality. Graduates are paying as much as £8,000 for a placement just so they can get a foot in the door at some of the big companies.

First of all, this is still glorified nepotism, and you know how I feel about that. Secondly it ensures that all your employees are rich, and not necessarily intelligent. The result of this is creating elite businesses that only employ people from the elite classes. I come from a working class family, I was state educated, but I've done ok for myself in my education. If the only reason I can't get a decent internship is because I don't have the money, then this is quite simply wrong.

Fortunately in the media business - where I hope to end up one day - there are no internships on offer where one has to part with hard-borrowed cash.  The standard hierarchy of careers in the media goes as follows: work for nothing, work for not very much, get a permenant job for not very much, earn a bit more on the same contract. Retire. Die.

It's times like this that working for nothing goes in my favour. Small production companies may be willing to give me a shot as a runner as I will work for pittance. That way they save some money and get a hard-working employee that is willing to learn on the job and complete projects to a high standard (I put that in just in case any potential employers are reading this)...